Note: I just spent the last hour on this post because I wrote the most amazing blog post to one of my favorite albums, (because I totally write to music), and when I went to post the blog.... it was gone. I starred at the computer for the last 20 minutes trying to figure out how a re-write would ever be as good.... BUT God, totally brought to remembrance some stuff I left out. Isn't it funny how His plan is so much better than ours?! Even when writing a blog post! Happy Tuesday! We are obviously pretty excited and overwhelmed and nervous about our new arrival who seems to be just around the corner, ok, maybe its just me that's all of those things, Isaiah is always the picture of calm and collected while I run around trying to figure out how we are going to get that new SUV we always dreamed about or what colors the nursery are going to be or what school district we should enroll our baby in??! Kinda crazy right??!
Its amazing how finding out your having a baby completely changes everything and really fast. Its so perplexing at times, anxiety causing when I realize that I have no idea what its going to be like and where I am used to having a lot of control and say it what things look like and what schedule things are going to be on, that this little person is going to come with their set of ideas and their own personality and needs and I am, we are just gonna have to kinda "go-with-the-flow." ( CONFESSION: I have no idea what that flow is and how to go with it #truth and I think I have been totally and completely SUPER type-A since I left the womb).
When I start to feel unsure, or excited or scared or nervous... or unable to even pinpoint my emotions, I write. I write my baby letters and talk to them and tell them exactly how I'm feeling, how much they already mean to me, our hopes and dreams for them to live fully and whole in God, our thoughts from day to day about being parents, the joy they have already brought, the reaction of all of you. I share about morning sickness, about cravings..... I share and I share and I share and I sign my letters " love mommy" and I feel total peace. When I got this journal for Christmas from my dear friend Annie, I was so excited about the hopes and visions I would record here, about LHP and DreamGirlz about the different goals and dreams God has put in my heart. I had no idea that 7 days later my first post would be about those pink stripes on the pregnancy test.
It is the coolest feeling to know that one day my sweet baby, boy or girl, will be able to look back and know that every single step of the way we cherished their little life. We made a account of every step. That they were SO wanted and that we rejoiced daily for the gift.... although I will NOT sit and front and say that every day hasn't been an absolutely step of faith, out of fear that we will be able to make it financially, that we won't ruin this little person's life and that we can raise them to love God, fully whole, confident and walking in truth. That sleeping on my stomach isn't crushing them (which out of fear I stopped doing), that morning sickness WILL indeed end some day and that my emotions will level out??! I panic about all of those things... and then I come back to this journal and I am reminded of the gift and the favor.
We have also gotten some of our friends and family involved and asked them to write letters, how they feel about their godchild, or niece or nephew... how they felt when we told them. We want our baby to know they are loved by us, but more than us all of the fantastic friends and family that God has placed in our lives to help us raise them!
In addition, we've taken to recording videos so that we can have GENUINE proof that we are and once were indeed cool. I mean, hopefully they will know that, if they ever doubt it.... proof will be sitting on the computer, I mean JUST IN CASE! Its been so fun to speak to our baby- to talk to them, to share with them and to know that one day this will be such a special moment- when we can go to their HOPE CHEST and show them that we were collecting moments their whole life.
What are some things your doing or have done to cherish your pregnancy? I am so sentimental- I love stuff like this and would love to hear your different ideas?!
We are really looking forward to seeing some of you at WPPI in just a few weeks! I should be heading out of this first trimester and FULL of energy if the rumors are true! You can get your belly rub in and maybe even share your own letter with Baby Haynes, if your up to it! We can't wait to hug and fellowship with you!
Thank you so much for coming back and continuing to read- I have been so thankful for your comments and posts and prayers. Your encouragement make us confident that we have what it takes to be the best parents for this little lima bean. Thank you for supporting us both so openly and vocally!
Next week I hope to share some fun ultrasound pictures with you!